Grans Hair Problems

Going out in public can be pretty dangerous for people like me, not going to lie. I just open my mouth and anything can come flying out. Such are the struggles of a chronic oversharer.

Someone gives me change, I just have to comment on the year of the coin. And heaven forbid any poor customer service professional ask me anything about my life, because it’s like I suddenly go on autopilot. Pretty sure it’s some kind of alternate personality coming out at that point. And yeah, the hairdressers get it the worst. I used to have my regular place, a hair salon close to South Melbourne, and to this day I’m not sure if they saw me coming and rejoiced or felt tempted to slam down the shutters in terror. On the upside, no one ever had to talk to me; I just talked AT them. I know hairdressers are usually sociable sorts who like to chat while cutting your hair, but all that talking must get pretty tiring after a while, especially if you’re asking a lot of the same questions. Then i come along, you ask me how I am and that’s it. Just cut my hair in peace as the alternate version of me rises to the surface and you learn everything about my life, my family’s life, my friends and their lives, and most definitely the lives of all their pets. My hair isn’t even that long so the session isn’t that long, although one time I did get a bit more of an intense hair treatment and I was there for a couple of hours. Didn’t stop the entire time.

And then there’s the other side of things, where it might be awkward to hear about my cousin’s dog’s lymph nodes. I don’t know…I have no real gauge regarding who wants to hear this stuff. I’m probably famous amongst Melbourne’s best hair stylists: that one client who just won’t stop talking about sorta personal stuff. But short of clamping a hand over my mouth, I just don’t think there’s anything to be done about it.

My hair grows SUPER fast. I think I get that from my Nan, because she used to use this oil she got from a vendor who turned out to be a charlatan and then she couldn’t fix it before the war started and after that it was really hard to get hair products and her hair started smelling like eucalyptus, which was…