Explosive Issues

Does anybody know if mechanics are able to fix tyres? I don’t want new tyres. I want my old ones. What’s wrong with them? I don’t see how that’s any of your business. But they’ve… exploded.

How did my tyres explode? That’s a great question, and one I’m not sure if I should answer. My lawyer certainly thinks I shouldn’t. He thinks I shouldn’t be putting anything on this blog. He says that they could “use anything you put on there against you”. Doesn’t he know that they can’t use information found on the internet in a court case? I heard that on a tv show one.

Look, all I want is to know where I can get my tyres fixed. There’s a good Brighton tyre and auto shop nearby. The question is, will they fix up my blown up tyres?

Now that I think about it, the car is pretty messed up too. Maybe I’ll bring the car into that car service shop. Brighton isn’t too far away; I could probably get it towed there. If they can’t fix the tyres, I guess I’ll just have to buy some new ones.

That’s actually how this whole thing started. I wanted to get some spares since they’re really nice tyres. The tyre shop refused to give them to me. They said that I didn’t “have enough money”. Whatever. I tried to pay them with Fortday dollars, but they wouldn’t accept it. Naturally, the next step was to tie several sticks of dynamite to my car and drive through the shop’s front door. If I can’t have those tyres, nobody can. It went really well. Except for the fact that my tyres burst in the explosion. I’ve also been charged with several felonies.

My lawyer found out that I’ve written this blog post, and he says that it is the “dumbest thing anyone has ever done” and I should “take it down immediately”. But this thing’s going to go viral! If everybody who reads this donates $100, I’ll be able to afford a new lawyer who can get me off the charges.