The Build’s Begun!

Today is the day that I begin my house build. I finalised the plans with the architect and engineer last week, and the project has been approved to commence. I’ve bought out almost all the Cheltenham timber supplies available, and I’m driving down to the property in my work car as we speak. I’m ready …

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Letter from William

Dear William Hunter Jr. I hope this letter finds you well. If you are reading it, then you know the truth. I am a car enthusiast. I have been a car enthusiast your entire life but never felt that I could tell you. Honestly, it shocks me that you never figured it out, given the …

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Hardware Store Commentary

Welcome to everyday commentary, where I try to make everyday events sound really exciting. Boy, oh boy, wow, I hope you’re ready for an epic event today. Everybody’s favourite regular man, Johnathan, is heading to the hardware store to get the last supplies he needs for his building project. And here he goes, heading into …

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Compliment the Cool

I’ve done a lot of traveling recently, ever since I got this job. They’re always sending me off to places; in fact, I have a meeting with a CEO in Brisbane this weekend. I haven’t done ANY research on what the company actually does, which is just terrible because it happened once before and I …

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Repairman Distractions

I’d just been informed that the price of repairing my window would be my soul. I shuddered, as the cold air swirled around me like a whirlpool. “I’m just kidding,” said the strange travelling repairman. “It will be five hundred dollars.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, that’s fine, then. I can pay that.” …

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Sew Over It

it’s come to the crunch. The way this office is arranged has officially become completely untenable. For the past couple of years, it’s been okay, but the team has grown a lot over that time and a more accommodating layout is long overdue. The thing is, there’s also a lot of space going unused. Actually, …

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Evil Space Wizard

Deep beneath the streets of Melbourne, something is growing. Something sinister. It’s a dark force that once fully formed will not be stopped. It started out as merely a half a pile of green liquified goop that spilled into the sewer. Now, however, it is so much more than that. It’s Evil Space Wizard. While …

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Blocked Sewer Woes

Whenever we have heavy rainfall, my street floods. It’s always been a bit inconvenient, but now it’s getting to the point where it’s dangerous. We have a sewer drain right near our driveway and the build up of water has been getting so deep after heavy rainfall that it’s difficult to drive our car out …

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Foot Spell

As much as I’m keen on spell-casting, sometimes a line appears that simply cannot be crossed via that path. You know the story, I’m sure: try as you might, you just can’t summon the particular brand of ancestral wisdom needed to conjure a solution without input from a specialist. I’m not too proud to say …

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Explosive Issues

Does anybody know if mechanics are able to fix tyres? I don’t want new tyres. I want my old ones. What’s wrong with them? I don’t see how that’s any of your business. But they’ve… exploded. How did my tyres explode? That’s a great question, and one I’m not sure if I should answer. My …

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