Hardware Store Commentary

Welcome to everyday commentary, where I try to make everyday events sound really exciting. Boy, oh boy, wow, I hope you’re ready for an epic event today. Everybody’s favourite regular man, Johnathan, is heading to the hardware store to get the last supplies he needs for his building project.

And here he goes, heading into the hardware store. The doors open for him and he glides in like a paper aeroplane. Wow, what an opening by Johnny, the superstar! Where’s he going now on his quest to find the best building supplies Cheltenham has to offer. He strolls down the front of the shop, going toward the building supplies! Wow, I did not see that coming!

Even though all the exciting action is happening right now, and I’m being paid to comment on it, I’m going to take a moment to tell you a bit about Johnny’s super interesting past. He grew up in a small town somewhere you’ve never heard of in Western Australia. Who expected a farm boy from the middle of nowhere to achieve such great things? I just find it so fascinating that he’s made his way here, to the bigtime in Victoria. 

Now back to the action in the hardware store. Bayside has plenty of excellent hardware stores to choose from, but this really is Johnny’s home ground. It’s where he performs best, as he knows where all of the supplies are. Right now Johnny is looking at different brick types, trying to choose the best one. Which will he choose? He’s bubbling, bubbling. Oh, so close to picking the perfect brick. He goes with the red ones! Oh, isn’t that just magnificent?

What a sound decision. Let’s get a replay of that. Oh, he’s a truly special talent, Johnny. A once in a lifetime everyday regular man. Now he’s heading for the plumbing supplies. With a clever little left to right, he weaves between the obstacles in his way and grabs a pipe with such precision. Johnny, you are a freak!

– Bruce Taylor