Windows, Not Tapes

Good grief, I seriously wish animation studio Biz-ney would stop re-releasing their old classics, except going from live-action to animated. What is wrong with live-action anyway? Live-action is timeless, because people are pretty much always going to look like people. Whereas fifty years from now, people are going to look at these animated remakes and mock them for how dated the technology is.

Some of them I understand, of course. Live-action from the fifties or before has become a little dated, especially in terms of film-making and shot composition, etc. Take Dairy Cloppins, where the plucky, comic-relief potential love interest works as a tape recorder repairman. Update that for a modern audience and he’s doing chic timber door replacements and drawing up plans for sash window replacements in stylish, four-bedroom-plus homes. Now that would make the potential sort-of-but-maybe-not romance between him and Dairy Cloppins a bit more believable. In the original she just seemed to be into this ordinary guy with a bad Yorkshire accent, with no reason given. He fixed tape recorders, Dairy. You’re a magical milkmaid that takes children on nightmarish adventures and fixes a dysfunctional family. He’s not even near your league, Dairy.

But get him working as a Melbourne sash window replacement expert and boom, done. He’s boyfriend material, despite his apparent lack of ability to command dark magic like Dairy.

But will they reboot that one? Time alone will tell. They seem to be mining the ones they can most readily squeeze for every single last drop of nostalgia, any tunes that’ll make people’s ears prick up. Dairy Cloppins was a favourite of mine, but the songs aren’t great. Well, except for Moo-Cow-Agriculturalistic-Extra-Lactate-Doses, but that may be more about the title rather than the tune. Still, if they DO bring out a reboot and Dairy’s male friend is all up in those sash window repairs, I shall be seeking a portion of the profits. That’s one change to the source material that I’m fine with.